Wednesday, 26 March 2014


It's fascinating really, what we can learn from looking back on our pasts.

I used to be a small girl with hair cut in a bob who chattered eagerly on the way back home from school. I'd talk about what I did in school, how my day went, what games I played in the playground... and my mum would tell me to be quiet. She would call me a chatterbox and tousle my hair playfully.
Now I sit quietly on the bus with my earphones in. I don't talk a lot, only with my closest friends. And at the dinner table, I sit quietly and shovel food into my mouth. My mum needs to prompt me to talk. I have words, I do know what I want to say. I guess I'm waiting for opportunity to come.

I used to laugh in the playground, at peace with the world and I would sing silly nursery rhymes as I one two buckle my shoe-ed around the courtyard with my skipping rope. I would play power rangers (I was always the pink one) with my friends. I usually hung out with boys even though it meant I was at risk of catching boy germs.
And now... I'm awkward. I still like playgrounds, but they're not as nice as they once were. The tarmac is harder than I remember, colder and less welcoming. Power rangers isn't cool and boys aren't really our friends - they're more like silent eyes, judging you and snickering in the distance.

I used to walk around without a care in the world. And now I'm a self-conscious person who constantly picks at her clothes, staring down at the ground, eyes lowered.



  1. I can understand how you feel. I went through this too - when I was small I would chat away like I would never have anything to talk about. But there was a time in my life when I was mute. I could go without talking for months. It was hard, everyone called me the 'shut up girl' because every time I would try and talk, people would tell me to shut up. I lost my interest for talking and expressing what I felt and turned into what I felt was a faceless or even voiceless person.

    I had to get myself back and I tried. I tried really hard and I'm on the road to recovery and I've almost reached my destination (that was deep). You're one of my closest friends, and I think you would know that. :)

  2. I can't wait to see who you turn into me adult life things make a bit more (not much more) but a bit. YOu are always changing and these days too will pass.